also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
