y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
