take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
