Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
