so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
