why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
