the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
