Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
