You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
