No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
