Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
