The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
