Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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