I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
