All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
