True but thats because hes a fetus.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
