I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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