Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
