I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
