I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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