so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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