Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
try to milk me bitch
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