You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
