we made out on top of his cat.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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