I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
