Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
the liver wants what the liver wants
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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