needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
