the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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