If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
