My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
