Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
