I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How does one acquire holy water?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
