Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
