I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
