I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
