saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
