Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
