I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
