I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I checked into jail on foursquare
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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