I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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