She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
