He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
