Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
