I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Panties = found
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
