The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
