kristin has been a bad kristin
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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