i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
