I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
