When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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