Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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