i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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