I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
