i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
