Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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