oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
